moments of sadness

do you ever think that you create your own stress? i think i might be. i think that i am causing myself to be completely stressed out. and i have it pretty good, so i shouldn't be. so what up with that? i always feel like i am being pulled in 30 directions. i feel like i start things and i never finish them. i feel like i am trying to do 2 things at once, almost ALWAYS. i never sit. i never relax. i can not just be.
jason's grandma called and gave me bad news about jason's mom, which i then felt necessary to pass on to him. it was late at night and i am telling him that his mom has lost her job, and is doing some bizarre behaviors that are landing her in trouble with the law. they are about 100% sure that she has joined a cult and it's getting scary. i am sure this information could have waited until morning, but i couldn't sleep on it. then he couldn't either. what was i supposed to do? not tell him all this crazy shit? would i want to know? ugh. then i tell him this, and he seems upset with me that i am upset by it. whatever.
so my mom and i are going to visit my grandparents in california. stress. the flights are super full. i can get there, but i can't get home. so i spent yesterday (3 hours) during nick's nap freaking out on my mom telling her i couldn't go and that i wasn't going to go and that was final. so then she asks me to just come to her house for the week and i'm like crazy screaming, "no! i am not going anywhere! i am staying at home. screw this." i am rivaling nick for his age. i am going through my own terrible twos, thirty years late. so she bought me a ticket home. see how easy that was? do you know, i stressed about this for hours. 3 clicks of a button, and i have a ticket. signed sealed and delivered by my mom. she must think i am losing it.
jason told me that he might get "moments of sadness" while nick and i are away on father's day. i started to laugh out loud when he said this. evil fills my veins. but seriously, moments of sadness? who are you?
this morning he went for another run. he's doing really well and i was proud of him until he chased me around the house trying to give me a morning hug all sweaty. i didn't have the heart to tell him that i had moments of sadness just thinking about hugging his sweaty ass.
nick's awake.